Space Force Tweet Approval Process
I’m not a copywriter…but…
To: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
From: kylewritescopy@gmail.com
Subject: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Hi Dale,
Thanks again for trusting me with this project. Here is the first draft of the tweet copy to go with the graphic you sent me. Really tried to nail the feeling of “patriotism and legacy!” Let me know the URL you want to include at the end of the tweet to drive traffic to the site. Thanks so much and let me know what you think!
- Kyle
COPY:
Imagine telling your grandchildren that that medal on your mantle is not just for changing the world, but for shaping the universe. Join us.
_____
From: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Hey Kyle,
Love it, a few comments/tweaks:
Let’s really lean into the storytelling here. I want to really see the moment that the reader’s grandchildren ask that question. Maybe it’s not on the mantle (we want to appeal to our target’s humility/sense of duty) but in like an attic or basement or something. Just to flesh it out a little more. Also, let’s make it ‘Can you imagine’ rather than a directive. Don’t want to be perceived as giving orders already. Haha.
Thanks,
Dale
____
To: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
From: kylewritescopy@gmail.com
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Hi Dale,
Thanks so much for your feedback. I’ve addressed it below. Also, feel free to send along the URL whenever you get a chance so I can see how it fits in with the character count.
Thanks,
Kyle
COPY REVISED:
Can you imagine telling your grandchildren that you earned that medal in your attic not just by changing the world, but by shaping the universe? Join us.
___________
From: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Close. Let’s have it be more than just a single medal though. And I want to really see the kids come down from the attic. Also, do you think making it grandchildren is too narrow? Don’t want to offend people who don’t have kids. Now that I think about it, don’t want to box ourselves in by making the people kids, even. Maybe try ‘imagine telling other people’ or ‘imagine informing people you respect’ — I’m not a copywriter but you get it.
-Dale
___________
To: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
From: kylewritescopy@gmail.com
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Hi!
How’s this:
Can you imagine telling your loved ones that you earned the medals and certificates in your attic not just by changing the world, but by shaping the universe? Join us.
-Kyle
________
From: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Still falling a little flat for me. Can we make it two parts — the ‘can you imagine’ and then the ‘join us’ part is the answer to the question. Also certificates feels off. Let’s do ‘achievements.’
___________
To: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
From: kylewritescopy@gmail.com
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Hi Dale,
Not quite sure I’m following!
Best,
Kyle
___________
From: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Something like:
Can you imagine your loved ones coming down from the attic with your medals and achievements to ask how you got them?
How would you even start to tell the story? By shaping the universe.
Just food for thought.
_____________
To: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
From: kylewritescopy@gmail.com
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Dale,
Thanks for this.
A little confused, in my mind we’re projecting into the future, and then we’re promising that by visiting our site and joining Space Force (still need that URL whenever you get a chance!) you’ll create a future you’re proud of. But ‘shaping the universe’ is going to give you a story to tell rather than help you tell it. If that makes sense!
Also made a small tweak just because achievements aren’t really tangible, so hopefully this is a little clearer.
How’s this:
Can you imagine your loved ones coming down from the attic with your medals and awards to ask about the time you shaped the universe?
Let this moment be the beginning of your story. Join us. [URL]
Thanks so much,
Kyle
_________________
From: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
‘Universe’ is too much. Feels scifi. Let’s do ‘strategic environment.’
Hear you on achievements but awards is too narrow, people achieve things without getting awards — let’s do ‘achievements and honors’ so we have two like things.
Want the tension of ‘how would you even explain that’ so let’s go back to that also.
_________________
To: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
From: kylewritescopy@gmail.com
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
How’s this:
Can you imagine your loved ones coming down from the attic after seeing the relics of your achievements and honors and asking about the time you shaped the strategic environment?
How would you even begin to explain that? Your story starts here. [URL GOES HERE]
_____________________
From: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Keep medals please. “Coming down from the attic with your medals, achievements, and honors” Relics are old. We’re Space Force. We’re new.
And instead of ‘your story starts here’ let’s make sure they know that THEY are going to be part of the shaping. They’ll explain how they shaped the strategic environment by being part of the shaping. In fact go ahead and use that. ‘By being part of the shaping’ it’s clearer.
We’re close!!
______________________
To: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
From: kylewritescopy@gmail.com
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Hi,
Here’s the latest tweet copy based on/incorporating all of your feedback. I placed the homepage as the URL, let me know if you have another one you’d like to use:
Can you imagine your loved ones coming down from the attic with your medals, achievements, and honors, asking about the time you shaped the strategic environment?
How would you even begin to explain that — by being part of the shaping. Join us at spaceforce.mil.
Thanks,
Kyle
_______________
From: brandmanagerdale@spaceforce.mil
Subject: re: Space Force recruitment tweet copy
Looks good. Let’s ditch the CTA and URL, this is just an awareness play.
Thanks Kyle,
Dale
