Weinstein Found Guilty!! REALLY? Oh Fuck. Yayy..!!? Let’s… Go Out?!!?? I Guess?

Did you hear? They got him. Guilty on 2 of the 5 counts! Not the big ones — but still. I didn’t think they’d do it at all. So… awesome! Right?

Convicted rapist Harvey Weinstein!!! Yay! I think?

Sorry. I was… just so ready to be disappointed.

Fuck yeah! We got him! Right? Like this is good. This feels good!

This is… huge. Yeah? We should celebrate. I think. Fuck yeah we should!! You know what — let’s go out! Let’s go! Today is the DAY! A single powerful man has FALLEN! Sure he’ll definitely appeal and the serial predator accusation didn’t stand. But we didn’t think we were going to get ANYTHING and they led him away in HANDCUFFS. For now, we WON. Let’s just focus on that for one night. Just one.

I guess I just…kind of thought it would feel… more. But I’ll wear a bandage dress and a smokey eye! It’ll be fun.

We look amazing. Tonight is LADIES NIGHT all around the country. Wow. This shit is monumental. Let’s do shots before we go! Everybody got one!? Okay — to the dozens of women who came forward with their stories, the journalists who told their stories, the lawyers who represented them — and the jury that believed them after they eviscerated themselves and relived the most traumatic moments of their lives publicly, multiple times, in the same room as their abuser. You are our heroes! Even though we’re pissed that you have to be! Here here! Woooooo…? Yeah! Okay! Woo!

Are you guys bringing wallets? I may just put my cards and emergency cash in my bra. Does everyone have cash? I have two 20s if anyone needs. YAS queens lets GO! My phone is at 65% does anyone need a charge? Let’s be smart here! Tonight is OUR night! Kind of. I’m gonna do a bold lip.

The Lyfts are here! Yeah — Lyft! We’re not helping Uber pay for their 4.4 million dollar sexual harassment settlement on this Night of Female Victory! Sure Lyft has its own problems but we’d be even less safe on the subway and this is the time to be young and free and celebrate our safety. We’re safer now!!! Justice is… possible!? Sometimes!

The line’s not too bad! But let’s stand on the better-lit side of the street. Because we WANT to, though. For real, NO ONE wants to mess with us tonight. Not with our momentary glimmer of hope in law enforcement and the legal system. The girls are livin’ it UP! Let’s stick together when we get inside though. For fun!

Oh look! Those guys sent us over some drinks! They must be some good ones who heard the good news about today!! That a single high-profile rapist was found guilty of less than half of the charges against him after two decades of crimes and two years of litigation. But just in case, I’m going to go check with the bartender that she had eyes on our drinks the whole time. Wouldn’t want to be accused of ‘putting ourselves’ in a bad situation by Weinstein’s female lawyer. Who LOST today!!! Mostly!! Is guilty on 2 of 5 counts winning or losing!? Whatever let’s just try to be fucking happy for like one second!

I have to pee! Who’s coming with?? Lol we’re so basic with our learned methods of self-preservation! This is evening is joyful and liberating.

Let’s fucking DANCE! This Kesha song is my JAM. Tomorrow, I will reckon with the fact that both she and her career were held hostage by her alleged abuser who tried to use the fact that she sent him a birthday card as proof that her abuse claims were false. But tonight — let’s just DANCE or at least try to enjoy the music. …okay?

Yeah! We can just Shake it Off — like Taylor Swift! Another rare sexual assault survivor to be victorious in a court room! …you… go girl? I think!? I don’t fucking know. Jesus Christ what are we doing?

I think I’m gonna go. Maybe I can share a car with that girl we met in the bathroom who broke up with her boyfriend for saying “I didn’t know 3rd degree rape was a thing. It’s kind of a slippery slope don’t you think.”

I love you girls! Have fun tonight. Be safe! Celebrate! We did it!!! Kind of.

No, I’m fine. I just thought winning would feel more like a win.

Of course I’ll text you when I get home.

contributor @TNYShouts, @Reductress, @McSweeneys, @TheBelladonnaComedy, makes great burgers

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